A
few days ago, a person
asked me, "How can I
control my feelings?"
"Why don't you like your
feelings?" I replied.
"I like some feelings,
but I don't like others.
I want to learn how to
control my feelings. Can
you teach me how to do
that?"
In times of difficulty,
especially in emotional
moments, we all ask
ourselves this question
. What are feelings? How
do they begin? Why do we
like some feelings and
not others?
Experiences come to us
through our senses. Our
eyes let us see the
world, ears relay sound,
the nose picks up
scents, the
tongue tastes food and
the skin picks up the
sense of touch. Yet
different experiences
cause different feelings
or emotions. If someone
touches us, we either
embrace them or recoil.
We may enjoy tasting our
favorite food, but not
when it is rotten. The
difference is what makes
us happy and what makes
us unhappy. When you
meet a friend, you enjoy
making conversation with
him, but if he made
you angry you might
avoid him. We have to
understand what makes
the difference between
liking and disliking a
situation.
Reaction is the
key. Our senses take in
all the stimuli so that
we can react. We
can greet the same
friend numerous times
and each experience can
be different. Even
though the eyes are
seeing the same image,
the power of reaction
alters the emotive
outcome. One time we
see him and we think of
a compliment he made and
are glad to see him as a
result. . A second time
we remember a
thoughtless comment that
embarrassed us, and we
feel anger.
Reaction leads to action
(chetanaham
bhikkawe kamman wadami). When
we have an emotional
response with out
insight then we cannot
control our
emotions. When anger
arises, heart rate
increases, muscles tense
and breathing becomes
quick and shallow. By
reacting you feed what
your body
dictates. Perhaps after
yelling at someone,
the anger will
dissipate. Releasing
this tension can trigger
a pleasure sensation,
which is gratifying and
creates what
psychiatrists call
positive reinforcement.
This means that we will
have a strong
inclination to repeat
this pattern. That is
the nature of
tension. However, the
mind and more
importantly, perception,
is nowhere to be
found. Emotion is the
physical reaction with
no insight to guide us.
Therefore, emotions are
not really helpful, even
when they are
pleasurable, because
emotions can blind
us. And they can never
be fully be satisfied.
Emotion changes our body
chemistry and manifests
in our psyche. A body
that is free from the
harmful effects of
emotions is proven to be
healthier. Although it
is hard to specify an
exact number, a vast
majority of doctors and
scientists agree that a
life of calmness and
peacefulness can slow or
either stop the
onslaught of disease on
our bodies. There
are many stories about
people who recover from
cancer and blood related
diseases through
meditation, by calming
the mind.
How can we control our
emotions? It is better
to stop the process
before it manifests in
the body or turns into
physical action. We have
to work with perception.
It is not wrong to have
sense experiences, but
we have to use
perception to stop
experiences from
arousing emotion. That
will lead us into
happiness without pain.
By having the correct
perception, we
experience each sense as
it is. We can see
emotions when they
arise. It will help us
to be joyful all the
time. Then we can
experience life without
being blind, without
being controlled by
emotion.
- Bhante Sathi -