Any questions for suggestions for discussion?[Meditator] Would you speak on tips for becoming more confident and for true confidence and not a ego-based confidence?
The question is a discussion about confidence and he is asking about confidence and mentioning about different confidence and confidence with ego. So, [inaudible] confidence is a good thing. So, this question is carrying a hidden message.
Confidence is a good thing. Why is it good? With confidence we can achieve certain results. without confidence, what would happen?
What is the opposite of confidence? Really you can say, “Doubt”. And many other qualities work against confidence. And so the lack of confidence someone might be angry, somebody might experience fear, anxiety. All of those things can be the result of lack of confidence. So, what would happen to us if we have fear or anxiety, or anger, or frustration? Even though we would learn learn something or be able to do certain things you are not happy. Maybe you may lack confidence you might do certain tasks But, you do not have freedom to do that
So, without freedom it would be difficult to to see or have a certain result. If you really have confidence you can see what are the supporting tools or what other things help you to have confidence. One quality is being able to commit or, commitment. Some people say that without confidence you cannot be committed. But, here when we talk about commitment we talk about that person’s nature. When you are committed to something, how much you are meeting that commitment. There are other things say, “Yes, I will do it.” But, in your mind, you are not committed you are just saying. But whatever you say that the listener. If the listener start to count on you, then you are disturbing that person’s trust. If that happens once, then next time that person will not believe you But, if somebody is really responsible with all their promises and commitments, what will happen, but you are you are honor and you are building a very strong with what you say. That is about commitment.
How much somebody is going to own commitment and that person is getting stronger. That’s the number one, supporting thing for confidence.
Number two, understanding your abilities.
There are certain things or practices you might start to do. Something that you haven’t done before. But a person who has confidence, or a person who has done these things before, that person might think, even in the past, I have done things I haven’t experienced. So, in the past I have been successfully completed those tasks. But knowing that you did this in the past you can apply that or bring that knowledge to this new task.
Just think about when you are hiring somebody to do something then you look at that person’s past and you ask other people how that person has done in the past. And you begin to trust that person based on other people’s experience. But, if somebody. But if all you have is negative comments from others, or negative experiences from others even if you have not worked with this person before, you’ll have doubt. without strong confidence. There you are building confidence based on that person’s past actions.
Similarly, you’ll have confidence on yourself, based on your past. Similarly, if you have negative past then even though you can do something even though you can perform something, you will not have confidence of yourself, because in the past you were not able to do or you haven’t completed such a thing. Those times, if you think, “Well, I am a strong person. I am a capable person.” “Even though I haven’t done it in the past, I can do it.” That is the sound of ego. You would have, you would say those things because I can, I’m strong, I’m capable. Based on what? Based on your own thinking. You think you are able. But, for the mindful person, this person always go with humbleness. That doesn’t mean you are not committed to something. A humble person will think in the past, I have failed myself, even though but this time, I will try my best to do this. Because I am capable of doing this. And, also, that person will see what are the qualities you should maintain to complete this task.
Or, you might say, “In the past, I was not as strongly committed to this.” Or, “I was not finding time for this.” But now, this time, can be commit yourself and find the time and your plans and you say “I’ll do it.” There, mindfulness is helping you to see what needs to be done and humbleness allows you to recognize your weaknesses or the areas you will have to cultivate. Once you establish those things, then you will have confidence. You’ll say, “I don’t have that weakness anymore. I have the final solution for that weakness.” As that kind of person you’ll have confidence. The same way you can see how other people stay blind because of their ego.
Ego-based confidence happens without facts. There’s no facts in there. There is no plan. There is no action. There is only words or false promises. The person who has commitment, or the person who is committed that person is building confidence and not only that, but that person will say, “I can do it! But, these are the areas I need help.” That person openly, without fear, will talk about the areas where they need help. So that would be the other side of confidence.
You have confidence…
or you have ego-sense. which means you know you can complete this task but you know what you don’t have. Just think about you need to push a car. No one these days pushes a car [chuckles] But, yes, you can do it, but I can do it but I’m not as strong and if I have others help me, I might be able to to do this easily. That person will ask for help.
By knowing the size of the job and also by knowing how much help you need, then that is part of the confidence. Of asking for help. So, those are my thoughts about confidence and ego-based confidence.
Hopefully I answered your question. Are there any thoughts or questions?[meditator] We still push cars in the winter… [Bhante Sathi]Oh yes, we do. [Another meditator] I recall when we first opened, we were getting ready for the opening of the Mindfulness Center Bhante Sathi said to me, “I need you to repair these wall lamps”. And I said, “I don’t know how to do that.” “I’ve never done that.” And he said, “You will do fine. Just do it.” [laughing] So, I did it and as far as I know they are still functioning. So, his confidence was enough for me to get that done. [laughing]
Okay, I think today is kinda of quiet. Must be the rain. So, we have a dinner in two weeks On the 22nd.